I've Worked With Over 1,000 Kids—Here Are the 6 Phrases They Master

The role of a parent is not to protect their child from life's difficulties, but to guide them through — providing assistance and resources to assist them in flourishing during challenging periods .

As a children's life specialist and counselor , I've worked with thousands of children and families facing illness, trauma, grief, and loss. I've observed the words and actions that reveal a child is learning to cope effectively with life's inevitable difficulties.

It's not about maintaining composure or refraining from crying. Instead, it involves employing tactics and abilities to handle, endure, and lessen stress as it occurs. This is precisely why kids who deal with challenges effectively are likely to possess strong emotional intelligence They excel at recognizing their own emotions and employ constructive methods to handle them effectively.

Listen up for these six things you might hear kids with high emotional intelligence say:

1. It's alright to feel sad.

Children with high emotional intelligence likely have trusted adults who've taught them that it's okay to cry and that all feelings are okay.

They understand that it’s normal to experience sadness, anger, frustration, or worry when faced with challenging circumstances. Similarly, they’ve realized that it’s perfectly fine to enjoy happy, joyous, or lighthearted moments even during difficult periods.

2. 'I need some space'

Kids who have effective coping mechanisms can identify and handle their feelings. They are aware of the red flags such as quickened thinking, an accelerated heart rate, tight muscles, or a churning sensation in their gut, and they feel at ease requesting what they require.

They could go to their " coping corner To allow themselves the opportunity for deep breathing exercises using predetermined techniques. For instance, they could grab a pinwheel or blow bubbles as part of this process.

It’s probable they acquired these abilities by observing their parents demonstrate self-control and honest dialogue.

3. 'Are you okay?'

Emotionally intelligent children can recognize emotions in others They recognize that both grown-ups and children may experience strong emotions during tough periods, and that each person deals with these situations uniquely.

They could be the initial ones to realize that when their friend When someone is upset, they might require some space or a comforting hug, and both responses are acceptable.

They readily empathize with others and effortlessly feel at ease when listening to someone else’s viewpoint. They value and respect the needs of others, preferring collaborative approaches.

They realize that despite their parent being emotional, they can still feel love, care, and safety.

4. 'I don't like…'

Children who've practiced setting boundaries People who consider how others want to be treated generally possess high emotional intelligence. They can efficiently express their requirements, desires, and emotions while also being attuned to the other individual’s sensitivities.

They could express, "I dislike it when you utilize my belongings without permission," or, "I hate being uncertain about what will happen next." Alternatively, they may voice other comments beginning with:

• "I'm not okay with…"
• "I don't want to talk about…"
• "I don't think it's nice/funny when…"

They're also thoughtful about respecting their peers' and siblings' needs.

5. 'I made a mistake'

This phrase indicates that a child is self-reflective and free from shame. Instead of being fearful of making or admitting to mistakes, they're able to talk about it and problem-solve to improve the situation or circumstance.

They also acknowledge areas where they could have improved or taken different actions, as they understand that mistakes are part of our learning process. grow, learn, and develop through challenges.

6. 'I've got a notion'

Confidence and creativity In problem-solving, indicators of emotional intelligence and healthy coping can be observed. Children who have encountered challenging circumstances have learned to collaborate with both their peers and trustworthy adults to discover practical solutions or ways forward.

They feel assured about sharing their thoughts, insights, and attributes, while simultaneously being open to hearing and absorbing input from those around them.

As children encounter hurdles and repercussions within a secure setting, they have the opportunity to hone their decision-making abilities and adaptability. This process also aids in fostering their emotional intelligence and boosting their self-worth.

It starts with you

If your children haven’t started using those phrases yet, there’s no need for concern. Developing emotional intelligence and coping mechanisms requires time and usually starts with how they’re parented.

Begin by demonstrating these actions yourself. Children learn most effectively when they see behaviors exemplified.

Kelsey Mora is a certified Child Life Specialist and licensed clinical professional counselor offering tailored assistance, advice, and materials to parents, families, and communities affected by medical issues, trauma, bereavement, and routine life pressures. She runs her own private practice, is a mother of two children, and is both the founder and writer behind The Method Workbooks , and the Chief Clinical Officer at the nonprofit organization Pickles Group .

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