Boys Without Dads: New Report Sounds Alarm on Growing Crisis

Harley Watson was heading down a path that he refers to as a "gangster" lifestyle.

The 17-year-old, from Clacton, in Essex, was a "lost and troubled kid", having grown up without a dad.

I acted quite poorly in school, and had I continued, I likely would have been expelled.

His experience resonates with a new report , which says young men who lack a positive male role model are in crisis.

The CSJ report discovered that fatherlessness substantially affects boys' mental well-being, educational outcomes, and future opportunities.

At 14 years old, Harley became part of Lads Need Dads, a nearby initiative aimed at teaching boys essential life skills and boosting their self-assurance.

Female mentors collaborate with smaller groups consisting of eight boys each, guiding them through lessons on maintaining healthy relationships, handling anger constructively, and understanding what qualities make for a responsible father figure.

Harley mentions that it transformed his life. He acquired skills to look after himself and "evolve into a better man."

He mentions, 'Now they are backing my decision to enlist in the Army.' He explains that they have provided me with all the necessary equipment and assisted in connecting me with suitable individuals. This was not a career option I had considered previously, yet I am genuinely enthusiastic about it.'

Sonia Shaljean, who leads the organization, mentions that she recognized Harley’s significant potential from the start, despite his initial state of being “fairly withdrawn” upon joining their team.

She believes fatherlessness is a key factor in issues from crime and addiction to school exclusions, homelessness and male suicide.

"It's not taken seriously enough," she says. "We skirt around the issue, and it's almost controversial to say it, but boys need a supportive father figure.

"Some people are offended by our name - Lads Need Dads - but I stand by it. We're not taking away from the importance of a mother, but that male influence is also important.

"Ultimately, we're helping women and girls too by raising boys who are more emotionally intelligent, stable and secure."

What information does the Lost Boys report contain?

• By the age of 14, almost half of first-born children do not live with both natural parents, compared to 21% for those born in 1970

• Boys are now more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their dad

• Boys are struggling in education, more likely to take their own lives, less likely to get into stable work, and far more likely to be caught up in crime

• As the likelihood of a masculine presence in the home diminishes, young men are seeking new modes of masculinity, like the controversial social media personality Andrew Tate

• Lawrence Dallaglio, the former England rugby union captain, backed the report, stating: "We have been so careless in our downgrading of the traditional masculine virtues that we are in danger of leaving a whole generation behind."

Source: CSJ - a Conservative think-tank focused on tackling poverty.

I have to take action to stop this pattern.

Sonia, a mother of three young men, points out that some boys raised in violent environments may develop fear towards men. Therefore, she emphasizes the importance of having positive male role models for these children.

They become part of our close-knit team for as long as eight years, fostering genuine friendships until it feels like one big family.

Our groups boast remarkable diversity. The belief that absentee fathers are solely a concern for specific communities is mistaken.

She states that not every father is missing intentionally.

Many amazing fathers unfortunately left us too soon. Other young men faced abandonment from their dads yet still wish for active involvement in their children’s upbringing; some of these individuals grapple with severe depression, including contemplating suicide because of this emotional void.

By the eight-month point in the program, the boys frequently begin discussing their dads, she notes.

As their self-assurance increases, some individuals become prepared to investigate the potential for reconnecting, and numerous proceed to rebuild a relationship with their fathers.

Ten years ago, Sonia established Lads Need Dads with an initial funding of £4,000. She had spent over two decades working at the forefront of criminal justice, dealing with addiction, domestic violence, and homelessness.

"I kept seeing the same heartbreaking pattern - so many men stuck in cycles of crime, addiction, and hopelessness. And nearly every time, there was one thing they had in common: growing up without a father or a positive male role model.

"I thought 'I've got to do something'. If we don't provide a service for these boys we won't break this cycle," she says.

'I was lashing out at everyone'

About 250 boys have been helped by the organisation.

Charlie Howlett, 19, says it saved his life when he joined six years ago.

His mother had died when he was a two, leaving his father to bring him and his younger brother up alone.

"My dad didn't take it too well and it wasn't the best situation growing up," he adds.

A few years afterward, the siblings relocated to live with their grandmother and aunt, yet they continued maintaining a strong bond with their father up until his unexpected death due to a blood clot when Charlie was 12 years old.

Charlie attempted to remain resilient for everybody and assume the role of a father figure. However, he admits, "I couldn't handle it. I began venting my frustrations on those around me and even considered ending my own life."

He mentions that Lads Need Dads has provided him with an "incredible" amount of support.

I believed I was the sole individual experiencing this, but then I encountered a group of boys around my age who were also navigating childhood without a father.

The mentors played a significant role for me. Over time, I came to trust them as much as my father.

Three years back, Sonia and her team assisted Charlie when his grandmother, whom he was still residing with, passed away as well.

"He believes this has enabled him to become a better big brother, which he thinks has also kept his little brother on track," he mentions.

Sonia assisted Charlie in securing a plumbing apprenticeship, and over the past year, he has additionally taken on the role of mentoring young men participating in the program.

"The sense of fulfillment from knowing I’m contributing is truly wonderful. I find pieces of myself reflected in each one," he remarks.

The organization Lads Need Dads also conducts a reading mentoring program in elementary schools. Starting in September, they will launch a new initiative where male educators will provide a three-month intervention to seventh-grade boys for the first time.

Even though it has made a difference, Sonia states that Lads Need Dads is facing difficulties in securing funds.

I find it incredibly frustrating because we seem to have a working model right here, one that could potentially be implemented across the country. Yet, I must turn away mothers from outside of Essex who desperately seek assistance for their sons.

Sonia believes that society needs to have faith in young men like Harley and Charlie, supporting them so they can achieve their full potential and overcome the cycle of absent fathers.

Regarding Charlie, he expresses his desire to keep working as a plumber, travel the world more often, and continue guiding young boys. However, his top aspiration is to become a dad.

I'm excited to become a father. This is the only thing in my life that I am absolutely certain I desire. My aim is to be the greatest dad possible.

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• https://www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/library/lost-boys